i barfeds in our rink
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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