ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
