My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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