I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
