there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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