I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're too hungover to prance.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
