Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
