They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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