Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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