I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my liver is dry heaving
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
