1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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