If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
