living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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