I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
zippers are such a cool invention
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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