just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
