omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
