Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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