I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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