She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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