thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
