mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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