Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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