my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
