ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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