note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize