Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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