Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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