Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
