ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
