we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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