if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
