# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
