Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
