i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
