I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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