For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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