I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He shit in the fireplace
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
