I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
