I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
