I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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