my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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