This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
