I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
