maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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