She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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