our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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