I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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