She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
