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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
