Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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