idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
