I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize