Yo dont text me then not text me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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