no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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