I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
