like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
