Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
