i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have tasted many bathrooms
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
