Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize