I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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