remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just gift wrapped bread.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
