Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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