I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
