benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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